FACEBOOK....A WAY TO CONNECT WITH FRIENDS??

You know... I think Facebook has its ups and downs. It wouldn't be so bad if people didn't take it so seriously. I really think it should be called dramabook! People shouldn't air their dirty laundry. The people that are broadcasting every little problem they have on facebook are doing it for attention and believe me when I say this....you may think that people that are commenting are consoling you and are genuinely concerned but they aren't, they are like the rest of us...annoyed. Like, there is just some stuff you do not write on facebook. I can't stand when ppl insinuate they are going to commit suicide. I can't stand when ppl are disliked by someone and just think that bc they use god and prayer against that person that it makes them look like the better person....no it doesn't... it makes you like someone that uses God's name and religion in vain! It makes you look like someone who uses God as leverage to get what you want and that to me is not cool. There are way more statuses that crawl under my skin but I have already deleted those ppl so I can't retrieve them. I had this one person that constantly wrote vile things about other ppl and talked about "whoopin they ass" I mean seriously...grow the hell up. No one gives a shit about the lame shit that occurs on "ur block yo" I can't stand facebook sometimes. All it has really done is show me why I chose not to speak to certain ppl in the first place. The #1 thing that gets one my nerves is when ppl beg for comments and that if their close friends don't comment then why are they friends? Well this could possibly be bc A) THEY HAVE LIVES AND DON'T EAT SLEEP AND BREATH FACEBOOK or B) WHAT YOU WRITE ISN'T REALLY INTERESTING ENOUGH TO COMMENT ON. This is not an attack on anyone. This is me trying to get through to ppl so they no longer embarrass themselves.

FACEBOOK HAS TAKEN OVER THE WORLD. I hear all the time...."omg....did you see what so and so wrote about so and so on their facebook!!!"... "I hope so and so is ok.. she hasn't updated her status in 2 days....."... What?? What??? seriously..... so when did facebook become the only way ppl know how to communicate? What really makes me laugh like hell is ppl that get pissed bc their business is spread all over town... well honey!!!!! YOU WROTE IT ON YOUR WALL FOR ALL OF YOUR 1200 FRIENDS TO SEE AND ONLY 1199 OF THEM YOU SPEAK TO. The best thing I have ever heard in my life is what my friend Nicole said when I asked her if she had facebook, "No I want a healthy marriage" As sad as that seems its true! How many women wonder who their significant other is talking to on facebook? There are a bunch out there. There are women that get so upset that they actually sit at the computer for hours trying to hack into their man's account so they can see who he is talking to.... Married women! Facebook can seriously make or break a relationship. Granted the women that usually do that have a rocky relationship already but still yet its sad.

The only reasons I created a facebook was so I could keep in touch with my graduating class so I could know when our reunion was and to keep in touch with my friends that have moved away :( but I am slowly getting burnt out on it. I hate being such a bitch and I know that the stuff ppl put in their statuses doesn't involve me so to speak but I don't want to be associated with that shit. I mean we do have mutual friends and you know the saying "birds of a feather flock together" well I follow that and if you do shit thats crazy I dont want ppl to think I am the same way just bc I am associated with you facebook or no facebook. Ok I am done venting.

AGE APPROPRIATE????

Okay..... I got a little bit pissy today. I have a ninja turtle backpack.....if i would have known that the damn thing would have caused as much controversey as it has I would have paid double(thank you joanie). People have no lives. You know if I was one of these people that gave a shit about what people thought I would have thrown my bag away. But its instances like this that make me wear it proudly. I could understand if I was tacky all the time but I'm not. I try to keep up with the latest trends... clothing wise SO LET ME HAVE MY FUN ACCESSORY!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! Wtf is age appropriate anyway? Uhhhh boring? Sorry but I am not joining the polo tshirt and khaki shorts club.... I am 26. I have my own style. I don't think women should cut all their hair off just because they are old. I don't think women should feel like they can't wear what they want. Now booty shorts and wearing juniors clothing at 40 is a little much but just because i have a ninja turtle bookbag doesn't mean I am a ninja turtle fanatic, its because it looks like a turtle shell and i think its adorable! I love it. So all u granny panty wearing coochie cobweb infested a-holes that rain on my parade everytime I wear my backpack can kiss my arse!

THE FAG HAG

So in my last post I talked about Mary. Well Mary is my sister's girlfriend. My sister is a lesbian. It kind of scared me at first when she came out to me only because I know how society is and I knew it was going to be extremely hard for her, and to be quite honest if you are part of the society that bashes homosexuals you can kiss my ass....pppshhh no one cares about you. Anyway!!! I live with them and let me tell you....it is something else.

I swore after Ken passed away I would never ever ever ever ever ever......so on and so on, take care of anyone again. It may seem selfish but it was only because I get so attached and emotionally invested when I take care of the elderly. So when they pass away I get extremely depressed. I know that, that's what old people eventually do I mean its inevitable, but when you make someone so happy and they seem like everything is peachy keen its an extremely exhilarating feeling.....and then they die....and you are just like shit??? What happened??? One second they are there and the next they are gone! So that is why I said no more! Then I met Kathleen Stout.....she is Mary's grandmother. She is also by far the sweetest, cutest little thing I have ever met. She had a stroke 4 months before Ken passed away and Mary's family was struggling to keep her out of a nursing home. So in August, one month after Ken passed away Mary asked me to move in and take care of her grandmother. I was skeptical at first but then I said okay. So basically they pay me to live with Kathleen and take care of her. So in October I moved in.

I love living with my sister and Mary. I have discovered that all my friends here except a couple are lesbians. Thus giving me the title "Fag Hag". I am the straight person of the group that hangs with the gays. I LOVE THE GAYS! I went to my first gay bar with my sister and Mary and a few of their friends for my cousin April's birthday. I will never go to a straight bar again. I didn't have to worry about anything! No horney men dancing all up on me rubbing there ding dong all over me, no horney men trying to stick there hands in places they shouldn't be. No guy saying "oh you got a boyfriend? Then why are you out?" Like girls can't go out with just the girls? Like dude...just because you are out honey hunting doesn't mean I am! Hell, at the gay bar no one bumps into you and gives you go to hell looks like you were supposed to see them coming because you know seeing how god did give us 2 sets of eyes one is located in the back of your head and you were supposed to see them....sarcasm. Gay people very nicely place their hand on your shoulder and say" excuse me sweety can I get by?" I mean how nice is that?? I could go and just dance. That's it...dance.

My sister introduced me to the showtime series The L Word. Now that show.....one word describes it for me "foreign" lmao. I love that my sister is happy but its so foreign to me. I do think its so weird seeing another woman do things a guy would. Its just weird. I can't describe it. When I watch that show I get that uncomfortable feeling we all got when we had to watch "the video" in sex ed. But that show is very good. Sometimes I wish we had a camera in the house so we could record a night here. We have good times. It was definitely a culture shock for me at first.

I can't stand people that tell my sister she is going to hell for being gay. I mean it says in the bible that its an abomination...but it also says that eating any other animal besides the one that chews the cud is an abomination also wearing a cotton polyester blend shirt is an abomination so if you do any of those things I guess you are an abomination and god hates you too. It says no where in the bible that homosexuals are going to hell. it says that the only one to determine who goes to hell is god and thou shall not judge so all you people that misinterpret the bible can shut the hell up. you sound like morons. You have no idea what you are talking about. My whole thing is God doesn't like liars so when you try to tell someone that is gay to be straight and get married and live a "normal" life, they would live a lie. So why don't you worry about yourself and do what you have to do for yourself to get into heaven and leave everyone else alone. I love my sister and Mary and they are better people than most. They do anything to help anyone as much as they can and that's a great person. So go get drunk like most "christians" do Saturday night and repent on Sunday.

I wouldn't have my sister any other way. She is happier than she has ever been. She is off drugs because Mary helped her so much. She is successful and she is doing the damn thing, and kissing a girl while she is doing it and she rocks.

DELETING THE PAST AND STARTING OVER

I have been away for quite sometime. I deleted my prior posts because there's parts of that time in my life I want to forget. I'll briefly go over what this blog is about. My boss who was also the man I took care of passed away which was a shock because I didn't see it coming, and the man I was dating basically made me feel terrible about myself and I had to leave him. I don't hold it against him.He wanted me to be someone else and he didn't love me for me. He liked talking about business and the government and I liked talking about anything but that and he liked skinny girls and I am not built to be a "skinny girl" and I got so obsessed with becoming this "dream girl" that I lost myself and love for myself. I never felt good enough. He picked me apart. I am a thick girl. I have curves and I embrace them and love them. Plus if shit goes down I can hold my own now.

So anyway...to sum it all up Ken was dying and the man I was with at the time wasn't very supportive during all that in fact he was worse than he ever was, so I broke up with him. Anyway I went to see my sister and Mary one weekend while Ken was in ICU because only family was allowed to see him. So my sister and Mary introduced me to my hero. When I say my hero I mean it. His name is Jonathan. He was the sweetest man I had ever met. I had to leave that Monday morning to go home because Ken got out of ICU and we were told he had less than a week to live. So I left in a panic and left my wallet at Jonathan's house by accident. I was so crazed that I didn't realize I had left it there until 3 days later. During those 3 days kens family wanted him in hospice house. Ken wanted to die in his bed in his house. So I made a deal with him that morning, if he tried it out, I didn't care if it was 30 minutes, I would pack a bag and meet him at his house. He agreed. i went to my car and realized I had no wallet. So I called Jonathan and asked him if it was there. He said it was. I asked him if he would mail it and he said no he would bring it to me. At that time he lived 2 hours away. This may not seem like a big deal to most people but it is to me. This man was willing to drive 2 hours to give me my wallet. Whoever said chivalry was dead lied. The next day i went to the hospital and waited for Ken to be discharged. After that we went to hospice. He hated it. I could see it in his eyes. I went to burger king and got him a whopper and fed it to him. What broke my heart was he didn't want to die. I'm tearing up thinking about it. It was terrible. He kept saying "We will get through this. I'll eat right I'll exercise I'll do anything" and I said "okay Ken we will". I mean what was I supposed to say? I have never had to go through something like that. Jonathan came into town and I left to go get my wallet. He checked into a hotel and I hung out with him just killing time because I knew Ken was going to leave hospice and since Ken was in Hickory and so was Jonathan it was better than driving back to Maiden. I was with Jonathan for 20 minutes and I got the call. Ken was going home. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry so I did both. I got to the house before anyone and turned the porch light on and opened the door. As soon as the door opened I saw the ambulance pulling into the driveway. You want to talk about seeing a happy man? Someone who has peace all over their face? That was Kenneth Eugene Powers. At the moment I knew there was a heaven. He was smiling so big when they brought him into the door.(I am crying so hard right now, I don't think I ever got the chance to really mourn lol) Anyway, They brought him in his room and put him in his bed. I got a chair and put it at the foot of his bed and talked to him for a little while. We talked about everything. He said that he wanted me to do what makes me happy. He said "Never settle for less. If someone doesn't love you for you then screw them. Demand respect. If a man makes you feel bad and does things that hurts your feelings tell them to stop and if they don't then they don't care about you. You are a strong, intelligent woman, and you go grab life by the balls. I love you like my own. You will be successful in everything you do." I will never ever forget that. He tried so hard to live. He refused to take morphine for a day but then the fluid retention started in and the pain was unbearable. He gave up and took his first dose. He finally slept. Jonathan came to Ken's house and was there for me. I couldn't cry in front of him though.I felt bad that he was already having to see all this, so I held it in. My mom and dad brought me some more supplies and for some reason the minute I saw them I lost it. I hadn't slept in 26 hours and I just latched onto both of them and fell apart. Ken taught me so much and helped me so much and was the most appreciative person I had ever met. He called me his guardian angel and said I saved his life and here he was dying and I felt like a failure! I was so angry with myself. I stopped crying and pulled myself together. Jonathan gives the best hugs in the world. No matter what kind of problems I may encounter in the future I will never ever forget how "there for me" he was and how amazing he was. I love him to death for that. He barely knew me and did that for me. I will forever be grateful for that. He is a great man. The epitome of man. I hold onto that memory with a vice grip. Jonathan went home that evening. That night I realized I had been awake for 53 hours. I couldn't sleep. My body wouldn't let me. I went in Kens room and the nurse told me it wouldn't be long. I got this sinking feeling in my chest. I crawled up in the bed and laid kens head on a pillow in my lap and I did the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I said "Ken, you have instilled in me the most courage anyone could ever possess, so if you are holding on because you think I won't be okay you are wrong. You are my best friend and if you want heaven, fly way." He passed away a couple minutes later. I had someone die in my arms. I still can't believe it. I thought it would scare me but it didn't. There was no struggle on his face. Its sad and happy at the same time.

He loved Elvis. So we played you will never walk alone at his funeral. He loved that song. I play that song on pretty days when I am in my car because that is my little piece of heaven.

TO BE CONTINUED....